How To Fix Your Anxiety In 10-Steps

Your lack of communication skills is the reason you're so anxious, and I want to help you express yourself.

If you're stuck in your head, struggling to communicate your true desires - this is for you.

If you have trouble:

• Speaking your truth

• Communicating desires

• Difficult conversations (break-ups, asking for a raise, saying 'no' to social events)

• People pleasing at the expense of your mental health

I want to show you how, with 10-steps, you can cure these problems.

I coached people to best the best version of themselves for 15 years. Yet it wasn't until the last 2/3 years of my coaching career, that I felt confident in my communication skills.

I struggled to communicate with clients. Through my coaching journey though, I forged a framework for effective communication.

Following this framework WILL help you:

• Get what YOU want

• Feel comfortable in difficult conversations

• Attend only social engagements you truly want to attend

• Get that raise and fulfil your worth in a professional environment

Once you know how to communicate - anxiety will become a thing of the past!

Communication and Anxiety

Words that don't come out of your mouth = anxiety.

They build up in your head and become and cause anxiety.

To demonstrate this -I have a drill for you.

Cover your mouth with your hand and try to talk - It doesn't work, right?

The words hit your hand and go straight back to where they came from, into your head. Your anxiety has no release!

Now try the same thing, but with your hand ever-so-slightly away from your mouth. It's a little better, right? However, it's not perfect - your hand muffles your message and some of your words don't even get out. Some anxiety is released (mind you not in an optimal manner) and the rest of it stays in your head.

Lastly, remove your hand completely. Put them in your pockets and speak - it's a clear message with NO barrier. This is effective communication. It allows anxiety to leave your head - there is NO barrier to exit.

When your words stay in your head, they build up, causing anxiety because you're not heard.

But how can you be heard if you're not even giving others the chance to hear you?

How can you blame anyone for your anxiety but yourself?

Your anxiety, for the most part, is your OWN doing. A harsh truth - but a blessing. Why? Because you can fix it!

In my early to mid-'20s, I was an anxious mess.

I want to show your how to avoid this...

Communication and Anxiety Continued

Imagine a garden hose.

You turn on the tap, kink the end and let the pressure build.

Upon unkinking, the hose breathes a 'sigh of relief' and returns to normal.

THIS IS ANXIETY.

To feel relief from it, you NEED to learn not only to communicate but how to communicate effectively.

Communication is NOT Enough

Effective communication is what will get you your desired outcome - in EVERY area of life. Anxiety included.

Today, communication is difficult - with the advent of technology, smartphones and text messages being more prevalent than conversations, as a society, we are having fewer conversations than ever before.

Does this mean, as a society, we are less happy than we have ever been?

It's a contributing factor.

I've Fucked Up

I have destroyed multiple relationships, friendships and professional opportunities with POOR communication.

Instead of delivering 100% of my message, I would deliver the 'easy' 65% - holding back the 'important' 35%.

Why? Because I was scared of telling people what I wanted.

The 35% is where my true desire was and I was scared of pushback, arguments and ultimately, difficult conversations. This caused tremendous anxiety within me for years.

In hindsight - this trait was short-term thinking i.e. staying argument free at that moment, yet ultimately wrecking the situation long term.

It wasn't until I noticed a pattern of broken relationships/friendships and multiple missed opportunities, I realised something needed to change. Upon reflection, in all of these situations - I WAS THE COMMON DEMONIATIOR.

This was hard to accept. I'm only human - as we all do, I too have an ego. This realisation hurt.

Once the hurt was dealt with, I had a road map. That road map, when followed, lead me to the problem - my problem...

I was a poor communicator.

It was time to take ownership.

Externalise Over Internalise

As an anxious person by default, I now know I need to externalise my TRUE feelings to overcome anxiety.

I spent the later years of my 20's doing DEEP internal work - I overcame immense identity and self-esteem issues doing internal work, yet it was not until I learnt the skill of externalising my internal work, that I took the biggest steps in managing my anxiety.

journaling on one of the vehicles I used for internal work - but it was never quite enough.

Why?

Journalling is an INTERNAL exercise.

I'm not knocking journalling - I still journal to organise my thoughts almost daily. However, unless you have the skills to truly communicate whatever you have written down, how can you expect to become the master of your anxiety?

Those words in your journal are wasted sitting inside the cover - you need to set them free.

Journaling is internal. To externalise this, you need to communicate what you have written down.

How to Communicate and Release Anxiety

Throughout my journey with anxiety, I have developed this 10-step framework to ensure you can communicate your true self and be the master of your anxiety.

This framework has been developed in conjunction with other conversation and communication frameworks.

Mastering your anxiety IS mastering these 10-steps.

Note: This is a face-to-face conversation framework. Communication is a 2-ways street. You need to be able to receive communication to be good at giving conversation.

10-Steps to Effective Communication

• 1) Do not multitask during conversations.

This means physically and mentally. If you don't want to be in the conversation - get the fuck out. Come back when you are 100% 'in'.

• 2) ALWAYS leave room for feedback.

If you don't want feedback, start a newsletter (ironic right haha?!) Communication is a 2-ways street - enter every conversation assuming you have something to learn.

• 3) Ask open-ended questions.

The classic what, when, where, who, why and how questions work perfectly. To understand, validate or potentially change your viewpoint you need to truly understand others.

• 4) Go with the flow of the conversation.

Thoughts will always pop into your head - let them go. There is power in not saying everything that comes to mind. Try it, you'll be surprised where the conversation takes you and what you communicate.

• 5) If you don't know - SAY YOU DON'T KNOW.

This is a pet hate of mine. Don't make shit up. It destroys trust and creates a loop of incongruency internal. Say you don't know. Give yourself the chance to research and follow up on the conversation. This BUILDS trust - internally and externally.

• 6) When someone tells you about their experience, don't compare it to yours.

Let them speak. EVERYONE knows something you don't, yet you'll never find out what or how it could enlighten your life if it's always about you. Be curious.

• 7) Don't over-repeat yourself.

It's condescending - others will never do what you desire them to do. Repetition creates an air of disrespect. Side note: if you're not being heard and have to repeat yourself, refer to Step-1.

• 8) Tell the story.

I.e. names, dates, times, and technical details. Tell your story - that's what people care about. People don't care whether his name was 'John' or 'Joe'.

• 9) Listen!

Sounds obvious. But honestly, it's hard. Listening is information. The more information you have, the better you know where you stand.

• 10) When you can 'feel' the conversation is done, trust that feeling.

'A good conversation is like a mini skirt; short enough to retain your interest, but long enough to cover the subject'

The Key to Conquering Your Anxiety IS COMMUNICATION

If you can master the above 10-steps, you WILL conquer your anxiety.

If you can master the above 10-steps, you WILL get what you want from life.

If you can master the above 10-steps, you WILL feel comfortable in all conversations.

It's taken me 10+ years to conquer my anxiety - I don't want it to take you that long. I've done the difficult so you don't have to.

Tom xoxo